When I first received Jesus as my Lord and Savior back in Indonesia, I was so excited and fired-up that I would go to church everyday. Morning prayer at 5am, youth service, sunday school service, you name it! Even my dad joked that he would get me a house next to the church since I went there a lot. Truth to be told, I don’t remember the reason why I started serving the Lord at the time. Maybe it was because I was on fire, or maybe because all of my friends at the church were serving, I have no idea. All I remember is that I have always been serving, so I must continue to serve wherever I go.
When I moved to Seattle in 2010, it was customary for me to serve in the Church that I attended. The same thing happened when I moved to New York. I just felt like I had to serve, otherwise going to the Church would feel so awkward if I didn’t get involved in something. Therefore, I joined the Praise and Worship, Sunday School, and Public Relation team. Truth to be told, I couldn’t even sing and I couldn’t even teach; but the over-confident spirit in me just pushed me to do it.
You know what they say, life is like a roller-coaster. Sometimes we are at the top, sometimes we are at the bottom. The same thing happens in my ministry. Every time I am on fire and want to move forward with God, the devil always finds a way to bring me down. You know that the devil is very smart. Maybe he went to the Harvard equivalent of satanic school or something. He knows each one of us better than we know ourselves, therefore he knows the best way to tempt us, to bring us down. In my case, he attacked me with self-doubts. He kept saying to me, “Daaang girl! Beyonce and Mariah Carey would throw up if they hear your voice, let alone God! Don’t be too confident and just step down from that stage! Stop singing!” or “Sure, you like playing with kids, but you are not a good teacher! The kids didn’t get anything from what you taught them, so why are you still there? Stop being a Sunday School teacher!” and so on.
I would be lying if I said that this didn’t get to me. I know well my singing and teaching abilities are not good enough to be a singer or a teacher, so I often get discouraged. Sometimes I even blame this on God. “God, why didn’t you change my voice to be like Beyonce or something, so that I can serve you better? Why didn’t you make me a better teacher so that I can serve you better? You were the One who created me, after all.”
Did you see something wrong with my prayer? God doesn’t need us to have better skills to serve Him better, He just needs our heart and our willingness! I just realized this myself a few weeks ago. When I was at the peak of my discouragement moment, God reminded me of this very powerful verse, “For it is not you who will be speaking — it will be the Spirit of your Father speaking through you” Matthew 10:20 (NLT). In other words, “it’s not about what you can do, but it’s about what God can do through you! [So don’t ever say or think that you are not good enough to serve Him, because] God doesn’t call the equipped, but He equips those who are called!” (Diego Simila)
With Battleship 2015 coming soon, I just want to encourage those of you who want to serve, but think that you are not good enough to do it. Remember, serving is not about pleasing people, but it is about pleasing the One who has given you life, the One who has given you everything; and He is not pleased by your skills, but He is pleased by your heart and your willingness to serve Him with all you got.
by Cindy Gabriella